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so yesterday i got orientation-ed into the dorms here at ua....manzinata mohave....i like the dorms so far, community bathrooms and the lobby seems pretty nice too. theres alot of other big groups here and theyre kinda obnoxious but otherwise everything here is good...im really lonely though. havent made much for friends. today i got my job assignment and ill be working in the cancer center at umc in skin cancer research. my boss is some really old guy whose like the head of the cancer center i guess and the guy ill be working most closely with is a kinda youngish guy, he has kids so not hugely young i guess, named eric who seems cool. he seemed to not really be aware of me though, they had just told him about me today, so i felt bad, and kinda like an intruder. he gave me some stuff that his boss published to read, which ill prob get to here soon...jeff and i are currently separated, which not only makes life in general hard, but has made being at this campus exceedingly difficult...every step im reminded of him and when we visited here and all the plans we had for here....he's been ignorning me pretty heavily but im still gonna try my best to fix it...i really want that, and i love him and no matter how long and what it takes, im gonna try and fix the issue, which apparently is 1: my emotional issue,(losing him makes me lose my will, which upsets him) and 2. communication. with my emotional issue, im trying to fix. its something i need to fix for my own health as well as the health of our relationship. im trying to keep myself busy, productive, and build self esteem...i dont really think its fair for that to have made me lose my 'week', the time i had to fix the communication issue, because jeff has had those emotional problems as well. it was prob less than two weeks ago that he told me i was his will to live....but i still need to fix it up. i think hes afraid that if i did myself in people would blame him, but ive never thought that was true, people would just blame me being depressed about it....i think. anyways, even though im really sad and feeling really lonely, im gonna trudge on in hopes that perhaps we can be good friends, and hopefully soon re-merge into a relationship...the second issue was communication....at orientation, the first day went pretty well. he was texting me fairly often and had comforted me a great deal the night before about it....which was really appreciated....it wasnt until he said he made a friend with a girl that i freaked out....i thought he wasnt going to do that...? i think i trust him...i honestly believe he wouldnt do anything with a girl that would come close to cheating or even flirting...i guess i just worry about others i suppose. the second day though i freaked and constantly texted him and im sure i was annoying, even though it was just that everything he was doing was taking a long time, like his schedule took 3 hours, which is pretty bad...anyway....i really miss him....ive been physically sick from the stress...yesterday morning i had to kick my mom out of the bathroom to throw up, and my dad had to help her drive cuz i wasnt able to drive through the canyon....i hope beyond hope to be able to fix everything...