memories and ramble

i feel better when i write, so here i go.
memories.
we first kissed in march. thats 5 months after we met :) im always proud of that. how slow we took it, how mature. god, he was sweet.
he first told me he loved me in a park. he was swinging me around, and he said "thats why i love you."
i would always get pissed that he called me sweetheart for some reason. now i would kill just to be his sweetheart.
for valentines day, he gave me one of his coke bottles, and a flower, and some of my fave candy. that coke bottle remains my favorite gift from him. he was gonna make me a pillow, but i pissed him off and never got it. i wouldve fucking loved that pillow.
ive been feeling nauseous lately...i wonder if im getting the flu.
i love him to death, and it scares me to death to think ive lost him. hes my shining star. my light in the dark. my hope. without him, i feel like i have no purpose. no hope. no joy.
hes my best friend.
i always loved when he'd kiss me on the forehead. when he would reach for my hand.
one thing i wish i could change was dates. idk why, but i always felt like with dates, money had to be involved, or it was just casual hanging out. that was stupid. i want to play tennis and racquetball with him. try new things. expand horizons. im too afraid to play soccer or bball with him, hes aggressive lol.
im gonna try my best to show him that i can be compatible with his lifestyle. i just want him back.